KH: Lose It Ch 1
by iSpinnicky
Summary: -A RikuRoku yaoi- When Roxas comes to a new school for a change in scene and acceptance, he is overcome with brutal beatings and a challenge to discover the identity of a certain person who has and will rescue him from the hands of 'death' more than once.
1. Note To Self

**Disclaimer:** Not now... Not ever...

**Authors Note:** Sorry for the heavy use of 'faggot'. I didn't mean to offend anyone!!

* * *

Chapter 1: **Note to Self-**

Roxas' Point of View  
--  
His name was Riku. And he was, well, to say the least, he was **HOT**!

No he's not. Boys aren't hot. Boys are stinky and violent and too open-minded and cruel and— He's absolutely _**GORGEOUS!**_

No he's not…  
--

I don't know what's been coming over me lately. Ever since I set foot in this new school, my head has been spinning! I'd switched schools in hope of a fresh start- In hope of being **accepted** for who I am; whoever that may be, but it only got worse!

Snide comments being tossed at me in the halls; like 'Hey **FAGGOT**!' and 'Eyes **off** the _prize_, Homo!' They pushed me around a lot physically, too. I knew from the first time some guy shoved me into a wall for no reason that the abuse was just going to get much worse.

And it did. Of course it did! It always does…

I was stupid to stand up for myself when those guys cornered me. I was probably going to need to spend **months** in the hospital this time. I mean, shit! These guys were kicking me!! It felt like having a bunch of bricks thrown at me, one after another. Over and over and over again…

"WORTHLESS FAGGOT!"

How would they know if I'm gay, or not? **I** don't even know!

I could hear a crowd in the background cheering. Actually **cheering**!!

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

My ears were ringing, I tasted blood, and I could barely see.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

No one cared if I was getting beat up because these jocks thought I was gay. All those ass-holes cared about was that someone was getting their ass handed to them by a number of very strong jerks!

Someone's foot collided with my stomach and I spat out blood and started coughing uncontrollably. The beating stopped for only a moment, but quickly continued.

Fists hit random parts of my already scarred body; heavy kicks bashed at my back, and I was quickly falling from consciousness.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

Just kill me now; I'm sick of this pain…

I screamed when someone started grinding my hand into the hard cement, and felt my mouth flood with more blood when someone kicked the back of my neck.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGH—"_

Though convinced that I was quickly dying, I still seemed to notice that the chanting had stopped. That or I had gone deaf. Or maybe I'm already dead…

But soon the kicking stopped, too. Perhaps I've lost the sense to feel... Maybe someone was actually trying to help me!

No…

Who would want to help a helpless, apparently gay, half-dead fool like myself?

But I heard voices and shouting in the distance. Someone kicked at me again and only seconds later I think I heard a body hit the ground beside me.

_No fucking way…_

"Grow the fuck up!" Someone shouted. That voice… It sounded like silvery wind-chimes. Angry wind-chimes, but silvery and almost comforting all the same…

I heard a loud _**THUMP!**_ and the sound of yet another body hitting the ground- And the chanting began once more.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

My mind drifted elsewhere; I'd grown slightly used to the blood now flooding my mouth, but I had the urge to cough and heave up the microscopic amount of food that I had eaten today.

_Note to self: Loath and despise whoever it is that saved your life._

I **wanted** to die. I **wanted** the pain to end. Bits and pieces of me wanted to go on and try again. And again. And again… But the rest of me was sick of the pain and non-stop torture.

The rest of me just wanted to go to sleep… For a **long** time.

Somehow I ended back on the side of reality and the aching pain in basically every inch of my body returned.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

Ass-holes…

It took some time for me to notice that my eyes were open; and not only was my vision slowly, but surely, fading to black, everything was really fuzzy. But I could still barely make out a tall figure punching some jock in the face.

_Thanks for kicking their asses, whoever you are. But I kind of hate you…_

Soon I couldn't even see colors anymore, and I willingly let myself drift from consciousness. Though I could still feel the pain…

And I could still hear them shouting.

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

I could even feel the warm blood trickling down the side of my face. It would have tickled, maybe, if my mind wasn't focused on the other excruciating pain thundering through my body.

My eyes are closed, I feel asleep- But why do I still feel, at all?

_"WAKE UP! CRAP! WAKE UP!"_

The chanting had stopped, but I wasn't sure who was talking to me- or if this certain person was talking to me at all.

_"CRAP! CRAP! __**CRAP!**__"_ The voice sounded vaguely familiar, distant, but familiar.

Maybe I'm dreaming…

No, that's not possible. I can feel them shaking me by the shoulders.

That hurts, you know?

_"SPEAK, DAMNIT!"_

Who are you and why do you want me awake so badly? This world will be much nicer without me and you **know** it!!

_"Please?"_

That caught me by surprise; the pleading sound in this persons voice.

I gave in and let out a small groan; which hurt like hell! I could feel the broken parts of my ribs bumping into the other as I forced myself to keep breathing.

_"THANK YOU!"_

Where had I heard this guy's voice?

I'm sure it was a guy… Why else would there be butterflies in my aching stomach?

Stupid boys…

_"Can you get up?"_

Is that worry I hear in his voice? Funny- I've never had someone feel that kind of emotion towards me.

"Whatdoyouthink?" My voice slurred and I sounded like an idiot- but it hurt to talk and I refused to put no more than a _little_ bit of effort in it.

_"Right, sorry… Well, are you at least still __**living**__?"_

You're starting to get annoying… I'm assuming it's rare that you get in situations like this.

"Unfortunately…"

_"Don't say stuff like that…"_ More worry? Maybe even concern… Woah! I **must** be dreaming!

"Whoareyou?"

I couldn't recognize my own voice. I sounded like an old man who hadn't spoken in 50 years! It was like the sound of wind rushing through tall reeves of very wiry grass; except a bit rougher and less lively.

I sounded like death…

He never answered my question. I only felt him pick me up with such tenderness that I almost felt like I was being held by a lovely cloud; aside from the feel of jabbing parts of my broken ribs trying to poke out of my skin, and the throbbing pain bellowing inside my head.

_Yeah, I definitely hate you…_

I heard car doors opening and voices rushing all around me.

"HOLY SHIT! Did you do this, young man?" I'm guessing this guy must have been a paramedic or something, and he was talking to my mystery rescuer.

_"No…"_ I think I like the sound of his voice… _"The guys back there did, and a couple got away…"_

I could feel myself being lowered gingerly onto a stretcher; but it was nothing like my little cloud…

"Whoareyou?" I somehow managed to mumble out again, trying to gather what **extremely** little strength I had left to open at least one of my eyes.

_"Nobody to you…"_ He whispered.

Oh you've GOT to be shitting me!!

How much more _cliché_ can this get? –Guy gets his ass wooped. Other guy comes and saves half-dead guys' life. Rescuer guy refuses to reveal his gawd-damn name! Half-dead guy is rushed off to hospital to never discover mystery mans true identity.

Oh my gawd… He's Spiderman!

"Revealyoursecrets!" I felt my lips curl up into a horribly sorry excuse of a smile and tried to wiggle my fingers as if this were some kind of 'Sci-Fi' scene. Yet another failure…

He chuckled softly and something inside me reached out and grabbed onto the velvety sound and held on to it tightly.

It was welcoming. I needed something welcoming…

The paramedic guys began to move the stretcher and my curiosity won over my non-existent strength for a mere second. I managed to barely get my eyes open, and was flooded with an ocean full of aqua.

"Mm… Pretty eyes…" I thought aloud, my eyes closing. I think I heard him chuckle once more before someone shoved a needle in my arm.

I felt almost completely numb except for just a small ache.

And then I was fast asleep.

_I still hate you, 'Spiderman'…_


	2. Got it memorized?

**Disclaimer: -**snort- Chya, when people STOP saying 'When pigs fly...'!!

**A/N: **Chapter twooooo! Can't have a KH FanFic without Axel, now can you? REVIEWS PLEASE!

**

* * *

**

**Lose It**

**Chapter 2: Got it memorized?**

Roxas' Point of View   
--

6 weeks came and went. All I could do was spend mind numbing hours in an itchy hospital bed, waiting for the pain meds to kick in while my mom would pace around the room mumbling about how she wasn't going to pay the bill.

Her son has 3 broken ribs, a fractured wrist, two broken fingers and a black eye; and all she's worried about is losing some money?

_Bitch…_

No one came to visit me in the entire 6 weeks I stayed in the miserable hospital; probably because I didn't know anybody. Not even 'Spiderman' came by!

_Spiderman…_

That jerks been stuck in my head ever since I woke up in the hospital. Why wouldn't he tell me his name? Why did he even save me?!

Maybe he wanted a medal or something pointless…

_Jackass._

--

I got out of the hospital on a Friday morning, and they said I still had to stay in bed for the weekend. So the torture of returning to that hell-hole of school would start Monday.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to sleep all weekend. As soon as I stepped into my room for the first time after almost a month and a half, I nearly tripped over about 30 large envelopes scattered among my floor.

"The hell?" I gasped out as I barely caught my fall with my good hand.

"Yeah, I'd find 'em on the front porch when I'd come home from visiting you at the Hospital…" My mom appeared at my side, looking down curiously at the envelopes.

"Why didn't you bring them to me?!" My voice had become slightly more recognizable recently, but it was still weak and raspy.

"You looked tired enough…" She turned and left my room with a careless stride.

I never did like my mother…

I carefully maneuvered my way through my already mess of a room and sat down on my bed which so happened to be covered in envelopes as well. I heard some crackling beneath me and slowly grabbed one from underneath my leg.

"LAY DOWN, ROXAS!" My mom called from somewhere in the house. "No slouching with that cast on your chest!"

I can't slouch, anyway! This thing is rock hard!!

I glared down at the stiff cast wrapped around my chest; just another month or so before I could get this bastard off.

Shaking my head and pulling myself from my thoughts, I lied back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a moment before tearing open the mysterious envelope.

Inside was pretty much one of the last things I wanted to see.

At least 15 sheets of **Schoolwork.**

My eyes widened and anger thundered through me as I saw the small yellow post-it note atop all the paper.

_'Get better…'_ was scribbled in sloppy hand writing, and I could feel my heart pounding against the cast around my chest when I saw what they had signed at the bottom.

_'You don't know who.'_

HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE?!

That bastard…

I crushed the small yellow paper in my hand before tearing it into tiny shreds and tossing the small handful as far away from me as I could.

I can't believe it… I can't believe he actually brought me all the work I had missed!

I rolled over onto my stomach and grabbed a pencil covered in bite marks from my night stand and hesitantly got to work.

More like… I flipped through the papers for hours trying to understand what in the world they meant!

Gawd, I'd missed a lot of work…

I went through the rest of the envelopes that weekend, only to find more and more schoolwork and nothing that would help bring me closer to discovering 'Spiderman's' identity. And even more post-it-notes…

_'I'll see you 'round… But you won't see me.'_

Creepy stalker, much?

Each note was different, all signed the same though in that twisted, kind of spidery handwriting.

_'You don't know who.'_

Yet!

By Sunday night, I had gone through every envelope and even had a small mountain of yellow post-it-note shreds piled in the corner of my room. I only finished the work in about 3 envelopes, and finally burned the rest in a nice little fire my mom had left going when a cold-front came through.

"What in the world are you burning?!" She'd asked when she came into the living room to see me crumbling up the papers into little balls and tossing them into the blazing fireplace.

"Diary pages." I said flatly, hoping she wouldn't take me seriously.

"That would explain why you keep getting your ass beat…"

I ignored her and tossed the rest of my unfinished schoolwork into the fire, watching it burn longingly.

_I'm cold…_

I hurried back to my room without a second thought when I began to see those familiar aqua eyes that had been haunting my dreams the last month and a half in the flames.

_Why did I open my eyes? Why did I have to see his?_

I didn't sleep that night. Not a first.

I only lied awake, eyes wide open and stared at the ceiling; searching for small shapes and figures in the popcorn.

I wouldn't sleep. I couldn't. His eyes had been haunting me since I first saw them, and soon enough I lost interest in sleeping completely.

_I'm sick of seeing him when I've only actually seen so little._

My eyes slowly began to close as soon as a tiny ray of disgusting sunshine peeped into my room through the window, and I was almost completely asleep; that is, until my alarm went off.

My entire body jolted slightly at the surprise, and I was wide awake once again. Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of bed and put on some pants and a shirt; not really noticing what I was actually putting on.

I was out of the house in minutes; teeth brushed and hair in its' usual unworldly style. My mind quickly wandered as I slowly and quite hesitantly walked the two blocks to my dreaded school.

_How long has it been since I last ate? I wonder what I'm actually wearing! What happened to those guys that beat me up?_

I found myself at the front of the school soon enough, and wanted to march right back home when I saw the kids looking at me with surprised expressions.

"Holy crap, he's alive?!"

"Oh my gawd, look, it's _him_!"

"Is that the guy who—"

"Shh!"

A field of whispers erupted around me and I quickly rushed inside, hurried to my locker and than ran to class as fast as I could. I sat in the back farthest desk and kept my head down as the gossip continued.

"I thought he die— Hey! Ouch— Oh… Sorry…"

I looked up to see what the fuss was about with a nearby student only to see _him._

Riku.

I hated him. I hated his every move; his every breath! I hated him because he was so damn **gorgeous**!

He was the popular guy. You know? The sexy athletic dude who's either envied or despised by every other guy in the school and worshiped by every girl.

Yeah, _him._

It was strange, though. He hadn't been in my class before; why would he transfer near the end of first semester? I guess he switched right after I was out of school for those six weeks, but even then… Why?

He sat in the desk next to me, but his attention quickly turned to a few giggling girls as they asked him ridiculous questions.

"So how much do you, like, bench press?"

"Oh my gawd! I bet he bench presses, like, a lot!"

"Like, oh my gawd, I, like, totally agree!"

He never has to say anything! They just go on and on, answering their own questions!

It must be so easy being a conceited, spoiled, ignorant jack-ass.

How I envy him so…

The bell rang and class went by slowly. Very, very slowly. The teacher never once called on me, never once even made eye contact with me throughout the entire class. No one did.

Exactly what I wanted.

I was out of the classroom and on to gym class minutes after the end for class bell rang.

Some of the boys watched me skeptically in the locker room; though that was nothing new. They'd always watched me, shooting nasty glares when I'd look back as if I were checking out their bodies.

"You're not _that_ hot!" I'd once said. That only resulted in a black eye…

But this time, their look was different. They were looking at **my** body; at all the fading bruises, the ones that just wouldn't go away, and the scars.

Oh gawd, the scars.

Too many, there were just too many.

One boy actually flinched when I pulled off my shirt to reveal a dark purple bruise under my arm, and the cast around my chest.

They hadn't been in the group that had beaten me up, but I'm sure they were a few of the many who had been in the crowd cheering.

I shot them all a glare before pulling on my gym shirt and hurrying into the gym. I wasn't more than a few feet into the giant room when _he_ came into view.

_What are the odds?_

It was him again, Riku. And damn was he working the gym shorts! The tight shirt didn't seem necessary, but his bulging chest didn't seem to mind.

Jealousy fluttered through me as he jogged around the gym with ease while I stood there looking like an idiot, my shirt too big and my shorts falling off my hips.

_Ihateyou, Ihateyou, Ihateyou!_

I found it rather odd when I remembered that Riku hadn't been in my gym class before. Why was he suddenly in my classes? Coincidence, I'm sure.

He barely glanced at me as he jogged by, and my heart stopped when his **aqua** eyes met mine for a small second.

No way. Not possible. He's not that good of a person… Never.

I shook my head a few times before joining the other boys for the usual 10 laps around the gym. Though my jog looked more like a sad kind of limp; it hurts to simply walk!

Gawd, I'm pathetic…

Gym class came and went; I had to sit out through every activity, not that I minded, of course.

But when I got to third period, I started to get a little creeped out.

There he was again! Sitting and looking god-like as ever in a desk near the back, flirting with girls.

What the hell?! His line of teachers was completely different from mine before I nearly died in the school parking lot, why all the sudden would he be in all my classes?

Our eyes met again for half a second as I sat down in the desk next to him, and I wanted to scream when those almost _too_ familiar aqua eyes dug into mine.

Nuh-uh. Not possible. Just a coincidence.

I fell into complete denial when Riku waltzed into my fourth period class; the usual crowd of girls behind him.

_Coincidence. Coincidence. __**Coincidence!!**_

I shot him a feisty glare as he sat down, yet again, right next to me and he returned an angry, but rather pained looking scowl back at me before returning to his squeaky little crowd of worshipers.

Depression engulfed me when lunch rolled around. I'd been used to not having anyone to sit with, but this time, I couldn't find anywhere to **sit**.

I took a long, hateful look at the loud crowd of hungry teenagers as they teetered through the lunch line and played around with their friends before turning to leave.

I was inches away from leaving the wretched cafeteria when I heard my name being called out.

"Hey Roxas! Oh Roxas!!"

_Someone knows my name?_

I turned around slowly to see a tall, pale boy with wildly spikey red hair waving his arm up in the air.

I'd seen this guy before; a reject, like me. But the jocks never messed with him, maybe because he actually had a crowd of **friends** by his side.

Me, I had no friends. Not one person to stick up for me. Never had, and probably never will.

"GET YOUR BLONDE LITTLE BUTT OVER HERE, ROXAS!" He cried out. I glared at him before reluctantly pushing my way through a crowd of students to see why the hell he wanted to talk to **me** of all people.

Maybe he's playing a joke or something…

I felt the urge to turn around and run away as I closed the distance between me and what's-his-name, but my legs pressed on and soon I was standing before him and a few other guys at a small table.

"Well don't be shy! Sit down!" The spunky guy with red hair grinned wildly, patting the open space next to him.

"I'd rather not…" I said, looking over at the other guys at the table.

The all looked eager and anxious to see me, their smiles wide and their eyes bright.

"Come on; just sit with us for a little! We won't bite! …Hard…" One said, nudging the other boy beside him.

They all laughed, urging me to sit down next to the red-haired-wonder.

He looked like the older male version of Strawberry Shortcake who'd just shoved a fork in an electrical outlet.

I looked around the cafeteria for a moment, making sure there was no where else to sit before finally settling next to 'Strawberry Shortcake'.

Some of the guys cheered and the rest just stared at me with eager, curious expressions.

"The names Axel." Red-head said to me, smiling widely. "A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"


	3. Those Poor Unfortunate Souls

**A/N: **Can I get a little more detailed reviews her people? --And thanks to everyone for reading! It really means a lot to me! ...And yes, I am going to be teasing all of you with teh AkuRoku-Ness; but it's **never going to happen! 8D**

**Disclaimer: **HA!

**

* * *

**

**Lose It.**

**Chapter 3: Those Poor Unfortunate Souls…**

Roxas' Point of View   
--

"I hate you already."

'Axel's' brow furrowed, his lips pouting slightly as the other boys around us snickered. "Don't be such a sour-puss!" His grin returned as he draped a pale, lanky arm on my shoulders.

I cringed at the contact and shrugged him off all the while staring down at the lunch table; trying to burn little holes in the wood with my sudden anger.

"Hey now, don't be such a little bitch! I'm being nice for once and offering you a lovely place to sit!" Axel nudged me slightly and I did my best not to throw a fist in his stomach.

_Where's Spiderman when you actually __**need**__ him?_

"Yeah, he's usually a complete dick. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, erm…" Whoever was speaking paused for a moment and I heard another boy whisper my name. "Roxas!" The boy finished, poking my arm softly.

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes and winced as his eager blue eyes searched mine. I heard him sigh as I turned my gaze away in dismay.

The kid had a mullet. An actual **mullet**!

"Come on, dude! At least give us a chance, or something! I'm pretty sure we're the only people here who **aren't** going to back-stab you!"

I scoffed at that, quite ready to leave the table now and never look back.

How could these guys expect me to trust them? How could they expect me to trust **anybody** after what I've been through?!

Axel nudged me again softly when I didn't reply. I caught myself grinding my teeth; a very obnoxious habit, and forced myself to look up and meet his eyes.

They were pleading, and green. Really green. Like shimmering emeralds stuck in his eye sockets at just the right angle to give the most pitiful look I'd ever come to encounter with. They were pretty eyes, but they weren't the dazzling aqua that I found myself longing to see.

_Spidermaaaan? Where are you, damnit!?_

And the small dark purple lines running down his cheeks on either side of his face seemed to give his pale face the perfect balance. What the hell were those things, anyway?

"**One** chance." I finally said, coldly, breaking my gaze with Axel's as the other guys whooped and hollered.

"Really?!" His eyes widened and I was almost blinded by the green.

"On one condition…"

He raised an eyebrow at me and the cheering boys stopped to listen.

"You let me wipe that shit off your face…" A smirk tugged at my lips as the curiosity in his expression deepened, but I held my expression dull and dead; as usual.

He pulled back slightly when I licked my thumb and reached up to his face to rub off those annoying purple marks.

They may have balanced out the wild colour erupting from him, but they bothered me.

"Hey-HEY!" He cried as I began to wipe them away. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"They… Won't… Come… The fuck… Off…" I mumbled angrily as I tried to scratch the little marks away.

"Ow-**Ouch**! Hey, knock it off!" He pushed my hands away as the boys sitting around us burst into laughter. "They're not gonna come off, you dick!"

I glared at him and pulled my hands from his grasp, scowling at the boys still laughing around us.

"Why not?"

"They're tattoos, moron. And I went through hell to get them, so quit trying to rip them off!" He rubbed the spots under his eyes tenderly, sporting a whiney childish face.

_Tattoos?!_

I rolled my eyes and rested my head in my arms on the lunch table; trying to block out the loud noises around me.

"So I invite you over to _my_ table and you're just gonna sleep?" Axel said; his voice coated with sarcasm.

I shrugged and closed my eyes, regretting that I'd agreed to give him a chance.

"Don't you at least want to meet the boys?" He nudged me forcefully and I groaned as I pulled myself up straight.

"Sure, why the hell not?" I snapped angrily.

Axel grinned and pointed to the kid with the dirty blonde Mohawk. "That's Demyx; he's a total wuss. And that's Zexion," A boy with purple, no, maybe blue hair with the 'emo' comb-over waved shyly and elbowed Demyx when he draped an arm around his shoulders. "He's a bitchy little emo, you two will get along great! That's Sora, he's the 'sunshine' of this little group," A boy with hair that proved gravity could easily be defied waved anxiously at me, his grin ready to break his too-pleasant looking face in half. "And that's Larxene. She may have boobs and all, but she will seriously kill you if you get on her bad side." A girl with bug-like hair grinned at me and a shiver ran down my spine.

Not a one of them had aqua eyes.

_Why am I wasting my time with these people?_

I felt lost; out of place. It was a very familiar feeling, but there was something different this time; and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"You want some of my sandwich, Roxas?" Sora held out his hunk of murdered meat in inedible looking bread out to me from across the table, a welcoming smile warming his face. "You look hungry…"

I **was** hungry. Hell, I was starving! But what's the point of eating? You're just gonna shit it out anyway and then have to do the whole process again, and again, and again! It's pointless; absolutely pointless.

"No, thanks…" I mumbled, averting my eyes from Sora's and staring at the table again.

"Are you sure, little man? You seriously look like you haven't eaten in a few days…" Axel hung his arm over my shoulders again, and I didn't bother shrugging him off.

He was actually letting off a nice heat that was drowning out the blazing cold from the over-active A/C unit in the lunchroom.

"Try weeks…" I muttered, fidgeting with my thumbs under the table.

"Huh?"

"Nothing…" I found myself leaning into Axel's side for more warmth, my eyes drawing shut as his grip tightened around me slightly.

I didn't like him; I couldn't stand him, actually, but damn he was warm! He wasn't like your average afternoon heat on the beach kind of warm, no, he was different. A welcoming kind of warm that felt alien to me. The kind of warm that could only emanate off a friend.

Friend?

I pushed away from him quickly and felt sadness engulf me as the coldness returned.

I didn't have time for _friends_, and they didn't have time for me.

"Aw! No fair; I was comfy!" Axel whined, shooting the other boys a glare as they snickered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the bell for lunch to end rang and I quickly got up and hurried away from the table before anyone could stop me.

"Roxas, get back here, damnit!" Axel called after me, but he quickly lost me in the crowd of students as we all hurried out of the cafeteria for our classes.

_Stupid Heat-Radiator Strawberry Shortcake wanna-be…_

I slipped through the halls and buried myself in the back of the art room; keeping my head down as the other students filed into the classroom.

I looked up just barely when a familiar sound of giggles filled the room, and clenched my fists when **Riku** strolled in with a satisfied smile; his usual crowd of worshippers close behind.

_**COINCIDENCE!**_

He, of course, sat down in the desk next to me, but never once met my gaze.

_Fine by me, you jerk-wad…_

I kept my head down throughout the class; wishing, hoping, **pleading** that my sudden head-ache would evaporate and my stomach would stop grumbling.

_I should have taken a bite of that kids sandwich…_

I almost screamed in pain as the bell rang and my head-ache strengthened; but I only clenched my teeth and hurried out of the classroom, casting a quick glare at Riku as I ran by him.

I nearly tripped over someone when he only returned a pained look, but pushed any thought of it aside and scurried to my locker.

I never did make it to 6th period… I was too busy sitting in front of my locker with my eyes shut tight; waiting for my head ache to just go the hell away. And of course, it wouldn't.

I heard light foot steps echoing in the halls, but I kept my eyes shut tight and hoped they'd go away.

To my 'luck', they faded out, so I peeled an eye open and felt my aching stomach do a back-flip.

Standing before me was a bulky, over-stuffed-with-steroids **jock**.

He hadn't been one of the many that had tried to kill me some time ago, but he looked like he sure as hell **wanted** to be one!

I swallowed hard and stared up at him; ready to get pounded yet again.

"'Sup, faggot?" He grinned cruelly, his missing front tooth making him, for some reason, look more intimidating.

"Calling me names won't get you anywhere in life, moron..." I managed to get out, cringing as his uni-brow furrowed and he tightened his massive fists.

"You better watch what you call me, homo!"

"Nice vocabulary you got there, dip!"

He reached down and grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling me up and shoving my back against a locker. Usually, the locks would have dug into my back and I would have cried out in pain, but the thick cast around my chest seemed to have blocked them from adding anymore torture to my 'post-beating'.

I winced and squeezed my eyes shut tight when he brought his fist up; ready to pound my face in. But the beating never came; I only heard a small grunt and was abruptly dropped to the floor.

I opened my eyes slowly; the hallway was completely deserted.

"Hello?" I squeaked out, my voice breaking slightly.

There was a pained moan from around the corner and I held my breath as I very slowly crawled toward the noise.

I rounded the corner cautiously and almost fell on my face in complete bewilderment at what I saw before me.

The jock was on the ground, blood gushing from his nose and a fresh bruise forming around his eye. It looked like someone had actually tied this kid in a knot, than tossed him around like a freaking **bouncy-ball**!

His eyes met mine for a second and I think I heard 'Thorry' somewhere muttered between his pained groans.

_Spiderman; he did this! He's close!_

I looked around hurriedly, my heart suddenly ready to burst from my chest as I pulled myself to my feet and starting searching through the halls.

There was the sound of quick foot steps somewhere in the distance, but no matter how fast I ran the halls remained deserted.

Empty.

_Like me…_

All empty.

I felt like I'd failed, almost. I'd been so determined and ready to find the guy who had saved my ass **twice** now only to have lost him among the many halls of my school.

_But he's obviously watching me; that's something…_

I trudged back to my locker, my stomach grumbling much louder now and my head throbbing crucially in pain.

I stepped over the still thriving-in-pain jock and repressed the smile that tugged at my lips.

I'd only just reached my locker when I noticed the feeling that someone was watching me.

I whirled around; nobody.

More disappointment…

"Come on Spiderman… Mary-Jane discovered your identity eventually. So, why can't I?" I thought aloud, wrenching open my locker and grabbing a few books.

_Now, to explain why I'm so late for class…_

I cringed when I slammed my locker too hard and the sound echoed through the halls, the noise ringing in my ears and attacking at my head-ache like cinder blocks.

My stomach screamed at me again for not eating and this time I dropped my books and wrapped my arms around my belly, groaning and falling to my knees.

_Should have eaten._

Could've.

Should've.

But didn't.

If my head-ache wasn't doing the job for me, I would have mentally kicked my own ass for being such a bitch and not eating at least _**something!**_

I started falling forward and caught myself with my hands, taking deep breaths and doing my best to let them out slowly. It felt like my lungs were expanding; growing larger and getting ready to explode inside my aching chest.

I've wanted to die for a while, but not like _**this**_!

Someone suddenly grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up.

_Spiderman?! Or perhaps an enraged jock…_

My eyes seemed to be glued shut again; I had _some_ energy, but it seemed like the suspense and pain was so intense on my weak body that I couldn't force them open!

_What are the fucking odds?!_

I groaned and reached out for anything.

Someone make my stomach stop eating me alive, please!

My hands latched onto a shirt and I pulled myself against whoever was holding me up.

"Make it stop…" I cried pathetically and quite uncharacteristically, my eyes still squeezed shut tight and tears trying and failing to escape them.

"Shh…" Whoever held me cooed, running a hand through my hair.

Somewhere behind all the vicious pain erupting inside my belly, I felt those familiar butterflies fluttering around. …And then my stomach ate them.

"Spiderman…?" I groaned out, tightening my grip on his shirt.

"Who?"

_It's him. It has to be him…_

"Tell me your name, jack-ass…" I grunted, losing the ability to control my legs.

His arms wrapped around my chest to hold me up and comfort flooded through me.

"No…" He said simply.

My eyes refused to open, and now I was pissed off.

"Please?" I begged, nuzzling my face against his chest.

"I'm no one to you, remember? Now why are you hurting so much?"

He cares. About **me**! But why?

"Haven't eaten… Since gawd only knows when…"

He smirked and readjusted his wrap around me.

Stupid cast… I want to really **feel** his arms around me!

_Oh gawd… I __**am**__ gay!_

I found myself pulling back, actually pushing him away! He smirked and held me closer.

"Why are you so determined to know who I am?" He asked softly.

"So I know who I want to kill…" I grunted; trying not to scream as my head prepared to implode in pain.

"Oh, how sweet…" He was smiling, I could tell. He was definitely smiling.

"Come on, please, just give me closure before I die of starvation. What's your name?" My eyes held shut; gawd, how I longed to see his face.

"No can do, buddy. Too uncommon and recognizable…"

"GREAT! First you have to be mysterious, now you're **unique**! You should have just let me die back there, this is even more torturous!"

He chuckled and again I held onto the musical sound.

"Can you stand up?" He asked, trying to pull me upright as my legs turned into jelly.

"No…"

_PAIN!_

"Why are you helping me?" I gasped out as part of my head felt like it was being forced through a space the size of a very small mouse hole.

_This is seriously starting to get annoying…_

"Because you don't deserve all the shit that's happens to you…"

Something set a nuclear bomb off inside my stomach and I screamed as loud as I could, falling from Spiderman's grasp and curling up on the cold floor.

"How would you kn-know if I deserve it or not…" I hissed; clenching my teeth and fighting the tears that begged to break through my eyes. "I'm a fag. Apparently fags deserve to get beaten to a pulp."

"Please don't say that…" His face was close; I could feel his breath bouncing off my sweating face.

I screamed again, launching myself forward and wrapping myself around him.

I felt almost perfectly healthy against his touch. I hated this guy's guts; but there was something about him.

"Who… Are… You…?" I breathed out; digging deep inside me to try and find the button that would open my damn eyes.

"You tell me!" He replied coolly, resting his warm hand on my sweaty cheek.

I pulled myself to face him, well, I **think** that's what I was doing, and felt cold tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You're a douche-bag, that's who you are!"

He laughed, cupping my chin in his hand and pressing his forehead against mine.

"Why do I like you so much?" I said aloud, absentmindedly. My face was already hot and sweating, but I could feel a blush creep across my cheeks.

_Shit…_

"I'd like to know the answer to that, too."

"Mmf… Will I ever get to know who you are?" I grunted, grasping tightly onto his shirt.

I couldn't open my eyes because that would have been too easy; because I was going to have to find out who this guy was the hard way. By making him **tell** me who he is.

"We'll just have to wait and see now won't we, Roxas?" I felt his thumb wiping softly at the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Hate….You…." Was all I could mumble out before I fell into a new realm of darkness.

The dream went by in quick, disturbing flashes.

I was falling; darkness all around me and readying to eat me up.

And then I was lost in a see of yellow post-it-notes. Engulfing me and dragging me down, deeper and deeper into a pit of bright yellow.

Suddenly I was drowning in a see of aqua; the aqua that had been haunting me for what seems like an eternity now. It wrapped around every inch of my body and started pulling me apart.

My limbs were being ripped from my body, my blood staining the pure, precious aqua.

I was in pieces, and then I woke up.


	4. Refrigerators And Heat Radiators

**Authors Note:** Sorry this took so longgg! D8

**Expect:** AkuRoku teases. Just teases, kiddos. And a majorly cruel cliffhanger. 8D

**Warning: **Everyone in this friggin' story is gay, on way or another. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!

**

* * *

**

Lose It.

Chapter 4: Refrigerators and Heat Radiators.

* * *

Roxas awoke to a heavy head-ache; his throat sticking together and gravity pulling on his body harder than ever.

He let out a groan, tossing and turning in the familiar mattress until he was convinced it was his own room he was trapped in.

"What… Happened?" He mumbled aloud unknowingly, reaching instinctively to his left and turning on his bed-side light. "SHIT!" He cursed out when light illuminated his room, catching his barely open eyes by surprise and sending them to hide back behind his eyelids. "Owee…" He whimpered, slowly forcing his eyes open bit by bit until they finally adjusted to the dull glow.

A well-known pain exploded inside his stomach just then, sending enraged, twisted dances of agony down his spine as he screamed out and clutched at the hard cast hiding his aching belly from his grasp.

"Need… Food…" He groaned out, screaming again and falling out of his bed on his face. "MOM!" He cried, pulling himself onto all fours, his chest heaving heavily as he crawled towards his door. "MOMMMMM" He dragged out, trying to force his voice out louder.

_'How can she not hear me?!'_ He screamed out desperately in his mind as he reached up and wrenched the door open, cursing again when it slammed right into his face. "Ma…"

The hallway was dark and he barely made it through by the light of the weak sunrise shining through the hallway windows. He stumbled into a hamper and 2 door frames before making it through and finding himself in the sanctuary of his destination.

"Kitchen…" He whispered hoarsely, "Food. Kitchen and food. Need… Eat…" Eyes wide and searching, Roxas found himself on his hands and knees before the now over-towering refrigerator. He swallowed hard, his throat sticking again and fending off an on-coming hiccup. "Hungry…" Weak tears trailed down the blonde's cheeks as pain floundered through his empty stomach, punching and kicking at his insides like an angry toddler.

It felt like the burst of a new life had just crashed down on him as he reached up and pulled open the fridge door with his sweaty, shaky hand. A bright, fluorescent light beamed down upon him as he stared up at the appealing, and not so appealing snacks sitting before him. He pulled his feet up from under him and crouched eagerly before the big white machine, almost too scared to break apart the beautiful scene before him.

"Food…" He mumbled out, reaching forward and sliding open a drawer to pull out a crisp looking green apple. There were smudges of dirt here and there upon the small meal in his hand, but Roxas took no notice to them as he dug his teeth through the thin skin of the apple and let out a small moan of delight as the sour sweetness buzzed through his taste buds, the bitter-sweet juice of the apple dripping down his chin as he took another bite without having chewed his first.

His mouth full of apple, Roxas began to chew with amusement, his lips parting and smacking together as he feasted upon his mouthful of the first thing he'd eaten in 5 days. "Mmm…" He moaned hungrily, swallowing and taking another large bite. He took this bite more slowly this time, savoring the taste and treasuring the feeling of the familiar feeling of food against his tongue. He chewed slowly, wiping at the small trails of drool and apple juice sliding their way down his chin with the back of his hand.

A smile tugged at his dry lips as he dug his canines into a new area of the apple. "Roxas, what the hell are you doing?"; Came a voice to his left. Roxas nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden surprising, choking on the food and juice as he fell back on his butt.

His apple slipped away from his hand and bounced across the dirty kitchen floor, bathing in dirt, and day old crumbs. Roxas frowned up at the intruder, trying to control his breathing as he pulled himself to his feet. "I needed food…"

"You were screaming! It's 5 in the morning, damnit!" His mother snapped, turning on the kitchen light and wincing slightly herself at the bright glow flooding the small kitchen. Roxas ignored her and stared at the half eaten apple lying a few feet away from him.

_'Damn…'_ He thought, returned his gaze back to the open fridge before him.

"Roxas… Hello??" His mother babbled on, her hands moving animatedly as her son pulled himself forward and grabbed a package of turkey meat from a shelf in the refrigerator. He pulled open the Ziploc slowly, watching it curiously as he pulled out a piece of thin meat. "Roxas, are you listening to me?" His mother broke his train of thought as he looked up at her, repressing a snarl.

"No…" He said simply, returning his attention to the meat hanging loosely between his thumb and fore-finger. His mother let out a frustrated huff, checking her watch impatiently and watching her son as he stared mindlessly at the turkey. "When was it that I passed out?" He asked; his eyes still locked on the slice of dead bird.

_'Or was I dreaming?'_ Roxas asked himself silently as he nibbled calmly on the turkey meat.

"Yesterday afternoon, I had to come pick you up and drag you to the car." His mother let out a short yawn, crossing her arms loosely and leaning against the wall closest to her.

"Right…" Roxas grunted out, shoving the rest of the meat into his mouth. And then 4 more pieces… He stopped suddenly, swallowing slowly and looking up at his mother with stern curiosity blazing in his tired blue eyes. "Hey, was there anyone there in the nurse's room with me?" His mothers' brow furrowed slightly, her right eyebrow cocking up a little. "Like, anyone who might have brought me in there? Did any one talk to you?"

"There was a kid on a cot with a busted nose, heavy kid, who kept staring at you with these scared eyes, but I never spoke to any students…"

Roxas nodded disappointedly, raiding through the fridge some more and fishing out a package of unwashed strawberries. "You weren't saving these for something, were you?" Roxas asked his mother almost thoughtfully, holding up the strawberries suggestively before she shook her head and he thoughtlessly tore open the plastic case and shoved the sweet fruits in his mouth two-by-two.

"Hey, Rox, promise me you're not gonna stop eating again for some ridiculous amount of time, okay?" The hungry blonde felt his heart almost do a 180 inside his chest. Was his mother really concerned? "I don't want some Child Protective Service loons snooping around here thinking I'm starving you or something…" His heart quickly dropped and he mentally smacked himself for getting his hopes up for something so stupid.

Her reputation. That's all that mattered to her…

Roxas gave a short, quick nod before swallowing down a large mouthful of strawberries.

_'Ah… Nn, damn these taste good!'_ Roxas thought inwardly, closing his eyes lightly and taking in the taste. _'I should eat more often!'_ He repressed a laugh and hurriedly wolfed down the rest of his dirty strawberries.

"Well, I'm gonna go try and get in a few more hours, don't wake me up again, you hear me?" His mother asked sharply, straightening herself up and eyeing her son sternly.

He shrugged and ventured through the refrigerator for more food.

_'Carrots? No… Ice cream? Not filling enough. Frozen pizza? …Takes too long. Hard boiled eggs?'_ He pulled out the plastic container and cracked one open carefully, sniffing it curiously before grimacing and placing the container back in the fridge carelessly. His mother shot him a useless glare before leaving the kitchen quietly.

Roxas shuffled through the fridge for what felt like seconds, finding new, tasty things that he feasted on hurriedly, and old, moldy things that he tossed behind him without a second thought.

Two and a half hours came and went of filling up his stomach as much as the hungry organ could handle. Roxas wiped his mouth of chocolate and orange juice with the back of his hand when the alarm on his watch went off.

_'Shit, hell starts in 30 minutes!'_ He pulled himself up hesitantly, wiping crumbs off of yesterdays' shirt and swallowing the last of his 'feast'. _'No more starving yourself, Roxas.'_ He promised himself. _'There's a difference between not being hungry, and __**needing**__ to eat…'_

Changing quickly into 'presentable' clothes and brushing his teeth hurriedly, Roxas had himself out of the house and choking on Mother Nature's grotesque air within minutes.

_'Air sucks…'_ He thought lamely as he slowly made his way to school. He gave a long yawn as he skipped up the front steps and slipped into the building as the first bell rang. Pushing his way through the crowd of tired, though talkative teenagers, he managed to get to his locker, and quickly started to back away, hoping he was still unseen, when he saw who was waiting for him.

"Oh, Roxas!" Axel said happily when he noticed the blonde trying to slip into the crowd.

"Fuck…" Roxas mumbled as he hesitantly turned around to face the peppy red-head; though his face was more to the taller teen's neck. _'I'm not short… He's just tall…'_ the blonde thought confidently, staring up into green, green eyes.

"What happened to you yesterday?" Axel asked coolly, digging his hands in his pockets and slouching every so slightly.

Roxas did a quick look over him. Same wild red hair like yesterdays', moronic tattoos, intimidating green eyes, dark blue skin tight… Sleeveless shirt… Pale, though well shown muscles… Loose baggy blue jeans… Cocky smirk… Warmth emanating off of him like stink off of old, old gym socks… Roxas bit his lip and nearly exploded under the pressure of Axel's curious green eyes and the burning ache of fiery butterflies pounding inside his stomach.

_'I don't like Axel, I don't like Axel…'_ The blonde thought hurriedly. _'I just think he's… Hot…? NO! NO, I DO NOT!'_

"Hello-ooo? Earth to Rox-Ass!" Axel grinned, waving his long slender hand before Roxas' dazed blue eyes.

"Eh?" Roxas shook his head and blinked a few times, staring up at Axel almost frightfully. "I have to go to class…" He mumbled, pushing the red-head aside and fidgeting with his locker.

"Right…" Axel heaved a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, you gonna sit with us at lunch, today?"

Roxas paused for a moment, staring straight forward into his locker as if it had the answer to life itself. He hesitated a moment before saying 'Yes' and letting out a soft sigh.

Axel grinned widely, his eyes lingering up and down Roxas' backside. "Cool!" He forced himself to say calmly. "See you then!" Roxas let out a mumble of acknowledgment before slamming his locker door and rushing past Axel to his first class.

* * *

**+Roxas PoV+**

_That… That conniving __**jack-ass**__! Who did he think he was?! Sitting in __**my**__ seat? New kid to the class or not, I always sit in the farthest corner. Ug, that ass-hole!_

Axel completely left my mind when I saw Captain 'Perfect' sitting oh-so-pleasantly in my desk. No, my name was _not_ on the desk, but damnit! Why would he bother sitting there anyway?!

I approached him as calmly as I could, with my fists clenched tight in my pockets and my jaw stiff. "You're, uh, in my seat…" I tried to sound tough, but my voice broke in the process and I directed my face downward to hide my blush.

He just looked up at me and shrugged; a light smile on his appetizing lips.

_No! Bad Roxas! No thinking dirty thoughts about the enemy!_ I let my eyes travel up to meet his and quickly turned away when those brilliant aqua eyes dug into mine for half-a-second. Defeated, I slumped down in the chair next to him and kept my gaze directed to the front of the class, and the front of the class only.

_I wonder why he didn't say anything to me… Even __**I**__ was expecting a snappy come-back!_

I could feel him watching me all throughout class, but I never dared look to check. Despite how much I felt my eyes begging, pleading, _beseeching_ to look over and let those aqua eyes overwhelm me; to run through my body like my own blood and clean out all my problems.

Oh fuck, I'm staring at him.

His eyes weren't meeting mine; they were definitely looking right at me, but not directly. He had an eyebrow raised and his lips barely pulling into a smirk. Something about him just made my heart want to jump out of my chest and dance around the room.

…Well shit.

He moved slightly, running a long, slender hand through his long, oddly attractive silver hair. It fell softly down around his pale face, strands hanging comfortably in front of those gawd-damned eyes. I stared at those eyes unwillingly, wishing he'd look directly at me, though at the same time, wishing he'd smack me up-side the head and tell me to pay attention to the teacher. It was like there was a brick wall just before those threatening aqua orbs, blocking me from my prey.

Something tapped me on the shoulder and I just about pissed my pants in surprise. Slowly, hell, even _dramatically_, I turned to look up with wide eyes at the bothered science teacher behind me.

"Looking for something, Roxas?" Professor Vexen stared down at me, his arms crossed and green eyes trying to chop me up into little pieces.

"N-no, sir…" I stuttered stupidly, hanging my head to hide how red my face probably was.

A few kids around me snickered and I barely caught a glimpse of Riku from the corner of my eyes. He was looking up at someone with kind of a fierce glare; someone who was towering over right behind me.

Was Riku glaring at Professor Vexen?

I didn't get the chance to check back because the bell rang and I was out of there as fast as a moron like me can go.

_Note to self: __**Die.**_

I kept my head low throughout the rest of my classes until lunch. The aroma of the cafeteria was stomach wrenching, but it didn't stop me from sliding casually into the lunch line.

_Fooooooooood….._

"Oh, hi, Roxas!" That kid from yesterday with the crazy brown hair slipped into the lunch line behind me, a wide grin taking over half of his face. "You gonna eat today?"

I nodded stiffly, glancing at him before looking forward again, bobbing up and down on my heels impatiently. There had to be at least 30 or 40 other kids in front of me and the losers were taking _forever_!

"Well that's good…" He pressed on, scooting a little closer to my side. I inched away carefully, kind of hoping he wouldn't notice so I wouldn't make him feel bad. "We heard you passed out in the hallway yesterday." He leaned closer against me. Damn, this kid was talkative.

"Yeah…" I muttered out softly.

"Axel was freaking out, believe it or not." I looked over at him and he smiled again, like he'd just won a challenge.

We took a few steps forward, the line still going slow as ever. "I don't know, should I believe it?"

He shrugged, looking up at the lunch menu. We were both quiet for a minute, taking a step forward every so often. Sam, Sour, Soar, whatever his name was opened his mouth to speak but a new voice came to echo through my ears.

"Hiya, Roxy!"

I felt my fists tighten slightly as _Axel_ hung his arm around my shoulders, leaning loosely against me. I was _not_ in a mood to deal with him. "Good to see you're gonna eat, today!"

"Shut up…" I said acidly, shrugging his arm off. What's-his-face giggled and Axel frowned, pulling his arm away.

"Well don't be _too_ much of a bitch, now…" He growled quietly, cutting in front of Porcupine dude.

Momentarily, the line sped up and soon I was sliding a gruesome tray along a sliver table thingy, trying not to grimace as the creepy lunch lady dropped a mix of what _looked_ like meat and broccoli that looked like it had been put into a blender, then frozen, then fed to wild tigers and managed to live through the digestion.

Oh boy…

Axel followed close behind me, mumbling to whatever his damned name was quietly. I punched in my code at the end of the line and reluctantly waited for Axel and the other kid so I could follow them to their stupid table.

The table was empty, and I didn't see any of the other kids from yesterday around the cafeteria, either. …Not that I really cared.

"Fuck…" said Axel. I looked over to see him gripping his lunch tray so tightly that his knuckles were even whiter than before. That kid who's name I _**still**_ can't remember giggled, his grin wide and mischievous.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly. Curiosity killed the dumb-ass…

"We're eating outside today." What's-his-damn-name said through more girly giggles.

_What the hell is with this kid and giggling?_

I looked out at the pretty much vacated courtyard through the lunchroom windows and saw the kids from yesterday watching us, laughing crazily and sitting at a lunch table in the **rain.**

"Uh… It's raining…" I said lamely.

"Exactly!" Captain Giggles said excitedly. "Axel _hates_ the rain, so we always sit outside when it's raining. And since no one else likes him, he comes and suffers."

Axel glared angrily at both of us, than he looked at me brightly with excitedly frightening eyes. "Well, I can sit inside with Roxy!" He grinned.

Soar? Yeah, I'll just say his name is Soar, looked at me with big, wide pleading eyes. "No! It's tradition!"

"Ple-eeease, Roxy?!" Axel pleaded; his green eyes wide and pathetic.

They both stared at me eagerly, and I looked outside at the other kids, who were watching us curiously; absolutely _soaking._

_Eh, eating in the rain never hurt anyone…_

"Well, if you want to sit inside _that_ much," I said to Axel calmly, trying not to laugh at his look of hope. "Then outside in the rain it is!"

Soar grinned widely, looking back at the kids in the rain and holding a thumbs-up. They cheered and made room for us as the stupid kid who's name I can't remember at all grabbed Axel's shirt and dragged him outside, despite the long pleading cries of 'Noooo!' the red-haired wonder whined out. I followed, smiling.

"I hate you all!" Axel snapped angrily when we forced him to sit down and eat his soaking food. I couldn't help laughing out loud. He looked like a drowned _cat!_ His spiky hair now down in a slump, covering some of his face.

All the other kids looked pretty funny, too. And it felt almost **good** to be sitting with them; they had a nice vibe bouncing off of them. Their wide grins at Axel's misery made me want to smile happily, too.

But I didn't. I just smiled and repressed fits of laughter.

We all shoved food down our throats like starving orphans, nearly choking on the sick taste and Axel's endless whines and attempts to shield himself from the rain.

"How come you don't like rain so much?" I finally asked, cursing my curiosity.

"Axel doesn't like anything to do with water!" The kid with the mullet thing beamed at me, wet hair falling in front of his eyes. "He's been like that all his life! Nobody really knows why, it's just a phobia or something."

"It's a **NIGHTMARE!**" Axel cried. "Water's evillll! It's gonna eat me!" He faked sobs, slumping down and resting his head on my shoulders pathetically. I gave in and let him; despite the fact that he was covered in rain, he was still pretty warm.

I kept pretty quiet throughout the rest of lunch, listening in quietly on the their conversations. I found out porcupine head's name was Sora, and Larxene; you know, the creepy chick with antennas, had been Zexion's bully from elementary school to middle school until Demyx and Axel got into this big nasty fight with her.

Of course, Larxene had won, but she was 'kind' after that just because they'd still at least _tried_ to kick her ass.

It was so interesting watching all of them. They'd all known at least one other since practically birth and they were just so easy going. It didn't matter if one of them was a chick, or if one of them was on anti-depressants or something. They were all friends, no matter what. A group of people who knew each other inside and out; and I was just the one who sort of sat there envying them unwillingly.

"You want the rest of mine, Rox? I can't eat, I'm scared I'm gonna get too distracted and not realize I'm drowning in the rain or something." Axel put his half full tray on top of my empty one, leaning closer against me and clutching my right arm worriedly.

I let out a light laugh unknowingly and nodded quickly, stuffing my face hungrily. The fact that the food, if you could call it that, was soaked seemed to help kill the taste somehow, and I managed to choke it down; smiling at the feeling of a full stomach.

The rain slowly turned into a light sprinkle, and we all, except for Axel of course, sighed sadly. Though, Axel still clung to me like a scared cat, looking up worriedly at the sky every now and then.

"I love it when it rains…" Sora smiled cruelly. We all nodded in agreement and Axel scowled.

"What if we threw you out in a thunderstorm, Sora?" Axel asked dryly. "Or Demyx? What if I hid Zexion from you for a whole week, huh? Larx? I could have a bunch of people tie you down and give you the makeover of your life!" Sora whimpered and Demyx pulled Zexion tightly against his side.

"If you value your life, and your nuts, I recommend you never even _consider_ doing something like that!" Larxene snarled, leaning across the table and putting her face inches from Axels.

_Man, these guys are kind of funny…_

Some of the boys snickered, swishing wet hair from their eyes.

Axel stuck his tongue out at Larxene, pulling it in quickly when she reached up to grab it.

"Dun let her get me, Roxy!" Axel whined, clutching me tighter and hiding his face in the crook of my neck, his warm breath beating against my cold skin.

I felt my cheeks heat up and tried uselessly to push Axel off. Larxene smirked and sat back down, snickering with the other boys as Axel pressed against me desperately.

"_Help me!_" I mouthed silently to them. They all laughed and I glared at them.

Suddenly, the bell rang and everyone jumped up quickly, grabbing their trays and hurrying inside, except for me and Axel, who was still clinging to me frantically. "Uhm, Axel?" I asked, my throat sticking together slightly. He just pulled harder on my wet shirt, "You know, the bells rung and all…" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly.

I heard him inhale deeply and blushed. "Why are you so damn cold?" He said with frustration. I looked down at him and met those annoying green eyes.

"Beg your pardon?"

"You're really, really cold…" He pulled me closer into him, trying to wrap his arms around me. "It's pissing me off!"

"Oi!" I snapped, pushing his arms away. "I'm covered in water, you moron. Of course I'm gonna be cold!"

"I'm covered, too, though." He shuddered slightly. "But I still feel pretty warm."

"Then you've got your future career marked down for you. Human Heat Radiator. Now lemme go!" He smiled playfully and released my arm.

"Glad to see you're not being an emo bitch like yesterday!"

I glared at him and picked up my tray, dumping out the rain water that had formed a nice mini pool in one of the little sections. "I have to get to class…" He stood up with me, grabbing his tray before following me inside. I looked back to see him looking back at the window where outside, they rain had begun to pour heavily again. He gave the **rain** the finger, grinned and followed me back into the halls past the other students.

"See you later?" Axel asked me before we started to head in different directions. I'd almost forgotten he was still there.

"Huh? Oh… Yeah…" I mumbled stupidly before hurrying to my next class, which felt like it had only been 5 minutes long because soon I was stumbling down the hall to my next class, clutching my books tightly and trying to ignore that small head-ache tugging at my brain.

_Damnit! Am I ever going to not be in pain?!_

The crowd was cleared and the bell rang, with me standing in the middle of the halls like an idiot. Fuck, I'm late…

My class was up the stairs and oh joy was this school fucking huge! Making a snap decision, I took off down the hall towards the stairs. I could have just been a loser and skip the class (again), but no, I needed to get through the rest of the day at school for once in the last few months.

I skipped up the steps, two-by-two, wincing at the pain in my ribs as I sped up to the second floor. Just as I reached for the door-handle of my classroom, something sharp and pointy smacked me in the face and I went down crashing.

Door.

I heard a quick small gasp but I saw no one. I saw blackness, actually. More like shades of gray and a dark figure moving worriedly around me. Pain crashed down on my, pummeling through my head.

_Can someone just kill me please, damnit?!_

Something thick and wet trickled down my cheek and I reached up to immediately feel a small pool of blood just above my right eyebrow.

This was really starting to piss me off…

"Fuuuck…" Someone whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if someone had actually said it or not.

The dark shade in my eyes paced faster and faster, looking down at me repeatedly as I struggled to open my eyes. The blood trickled heavier down the side of my face and I groaned uneasily before forcing myself to remember how to open my eyes and see.

Fierce, though worried aqua eyes were staring down at me; strands of silver hair hanging in front of them.

"…Riku?"


	5. Soft Spots

**A/N: **Took longer than it deserved... I actually wrote this chapter 3 times before whipping this out in, like, 2 hours... DD: Sorry it took so long. Been having the nastyest block for forever now and I've really only been able to whip out little shorts that I can't even finish... Anyway. Enjoy. Please review! And thanks so much for reading!!

**Disclaimer: **Not yet.

**Warning: **Gay!!

**Inspiration: '**Marigold' written by Falaphesian right here on FF.

_

* * *

_

**Lose It.**

**Chapter 5: Soft Spots.**

+Roxas' PoV+

--

Something about the look in Riku's eyes made me want to melt into the floor and disappear. Or maybe it was the throbbing pain in my head. Can never be to sure on that, you know?

Anyway- we just kind of stared at each other for a minute. Riku had this completely blank expression. Like, as if he were just staring right through me and his eyes were just locked on the ground. It was annoying, really.

I myself was trying to count how many pairs of eyes I was actually _seeing._ Despite the fact that I'd been lying on the ground with my sights on nothing but mainly black, I was still seeing double, maybe triple when I managed to get my eyes open.

And that blank 'You're-invisible-to-me' look that was still smack on Riku's face wasn't really helping.

It was kind of awkward, really. Riku was bent over, supporting himself on his knees and his face just a few inches from mine. And I was sitting on the floor with blood sauntering down my face. Not only that, he had yet to say a fucking thing.

But just then, right out of nowhere, he reached out at me, his hand in a loose fist and my reflexes going on the fritz. I cringed back, expecting him to punch me or for his fist to turn into a door so he could try and knock off my head again, but he never punched me. The only pain I felt in my head was that echo of, well, being hit by a door, and a nasty stinging on my forehead.

And just as quick as Riku had tried to do… Whatever it was he was trying to do to me, his expression had changed completely. Like someone had flicked a light switch and changed his mood from 'Oh this kid is just a fly on the wall, no need to give a shit' to 'Oh, hey, I just smacked this kid clear across the hallway with a _door_, let's help him now, shall we?'

Kind of refreshing, honestly.

But, yeah, suddenly he looked really concerned and his hand was just hanging there, barely an inch from my face and losing that 'Maybe I'll punch you, maybe I won't' threat it had given me earlier. Those terrifying aqua eyes stared at me, his eyes on mine, but in a way, not really…

Like, he was looking at me, and his eyes were burning big flame-y holes into mine, but… He wasn't really meeting my gaze.

Clear as mud, this guy.

His lips tugged a little into a weak, half-ass smile and his hand proceeded forward to wipe away the blood that was apparently about to drip into my eye. And as soon as he pulled his hand away to oh-so-casually wipe my freaking _blood_ away on his jeans, I scurried a few feet backward; my ass dragging me down and my hands pulling me as far as my lack of energy could let them.

Like a really lazy crab-walk.

Riku frowned at that, and only then did I wonder why the hell I'd pulled myself back anyway. He stepped towards me though, holding his hand out again but this time for me to take.

I stared up at him pathetically, desperately trying to get his eyes to really meet mine. But there was like, this wall just before his eyes that was keeping both of us separated; some kind of barrier to hide something extremely important.

I refused to give that any more thought and took his hand, nearly falling again on my face like the klutz I am when he tried to pull me up. The familiar feel of his hand really caught me off guard…

_**COINCEDANCE!**_

Once I was finally able to hold myself on both my feet, Riku handed me my books that had assumingly flown across the hallway when _he_ hit _me_ in the _face_ with a _door_.

How thoughtful of him…

He smiled when I snatched them from him, clutching the suddenly very heavy books to my bulky chest. Or cast, rather. But the smile didn't meet his eyes, and it died only a second after.

We both said nothing. Nothing at all. I hadn't anything to say, and clearly he wasn't all that much of a genius with apologizing.

Not that I cared. This douche probably thought I wasn't worthy of hearing him talk, or hearing some kind of pitiful words directed to me from him. Conceited much?

I stared at the floor, actually probably bleeding to death and not really giving it any thought. Riku reached out at me again and wiped some more blood that was trying to drip into my eye.

I think it kind of bothered me when he wiped the blood away on his pants like it was nothing. He'd been so thoughtful as to not let my own blood blind me, but he wouldn't say he was sorry or anything! He wouldn't talk at all!

It's not like I cared that he was apologizing to me. It's just kind of weird you know? Most people freak the fuck out and run around the room with their arms flailing above their heads and the words 'Holy shit, sorry, sorry, sorry!' spewing out of their moths when they hit someone with a fucking _door_.

But no, not Riku. He kept it cool like this was just something he did for a daily hobby.

I kept my eyes glued to the floor, not only did I not want to see his stupid eyes that sent a stomach churning, familiar chill through me, but the jerk was so freaking _sexy._ I felt lame and weak under his stare just clutching my books and blood gushing from my head.

Come to think of it, how am I even keeping myself standing? One would think I'd be in a coma by now.

Eventually, though, the awkward silence pounding in the small distance between us was starting to make me feel twitchy, and I felt the urge to say something. _Anything._ Whatever came to mind first was all I wanted to say. It could have been the word 'cheese' for all I care! Whatever it took to break the impenetrable glass of silence sitting between us.

My mouth was barely open, and his eyebrows were raised slightly; kind of expectantly, but I barely even managed to mumble out a sound before the classroom I'd been headed to before Riku hit me with a fucking **door** burst open.

"Riku? Hello?"

Much to my surprise, it was none other than the ever so perky Sora who'd emerged from the classroom. He took a look around the hallway, his eyes falling on me and Riku for half a second before continuing on, then jerking back to me (Face dripping of blood, no less) with even wider eyes than before.

"Holy _shit!_" He blinked before racing forward and shoving his face close to mine. "Oh, my gawd! Roxas, you're bleeding!" He exclaimed.

"Really? I hadn't really noticed."

His brow furrowed for a second before he looked up at Riku and scowled. "I'm guessing this is your fault." His voice sounded a little darker than usual; protective, kind of.

Riku's lips pursed into a thin line and he looked down at the floor, shoving his hands in his pockets. Sora shook his head dismissively and grabbed my shoulder, dragging me towards the bathroom. "Come on, Rox." He looked back at Riku for a second, then to me. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I looked back for Riku before Sora pulled me into the restroom, but he was gone.

The cut wasn't big, or all that deep either, and my exaggeration of most likely bleeding to death was quite, well… Exaggerated.

Sora had me cleaned up in minutes. It was kind of weird, really. I'd expected him to ramble on, tossing endless questions at me about what the hell happened, but he didn't. He was just real quiet and real careful with my cut.

He even fixed my bangs to sit over my new bruise and stuff. Not that he really had to; I practically looked like a raccoon with my not yet faded black eyes, and there were a few old scars here and there on my face already. Really, it wouldn't have made much of a difference; but I didn't bother telling him.

He did eventually ask what happened though. But his voice was real quiet and serious. I didn't even know he could act like that!

"I was late to class. And I was about to make it when Riku came out and… Well…I guess I _ran_ into the door rather then he ran the door into _me_." Sora smiled softly, pushing me out of bathroom and touching me just real softly. Like I was really, really fragile or something.

Kind of annoying…

"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked. I didn't really hear him though. I was looking around the halls for Riku; but I guess he'd gone back to class for the rest of this period instead of waiting out in the halls to see if I was okay. Not like I really wanted him to, or anything... "Roxas?"

"Huh?"

"Are you gonna be okay?"

"Oh… Yeah. I've been through worse, really. This is nothing."

Sora frowned, and I felt the urge to cheer him up; to brighten up those blue eyes. Even though I didn't know him, I just knew that those big orbs weren't supposed to look so sad; so nostalgic.

He seemed to have a soft spot for that; kids getting their asses pummeled for being who they are. They all did, I think. Axel and Demyx and Zexion. Maybe even Larxene, too. I didn't really want to know about her, though.

I guess they all had a nasty past like me…

I made it to the last 20 minutes of the class and surprisingly, neither I nor Sora had to give the teacher an explanation. I guess Riku somehow got stuff under control.

A few kids did give us funny looks, though. And only one thing caught me off guard…

Riku wasn't even in the classroom.

I didn't realize that that was my last class of the day until I was back at my locker and putting up my books, glancing around every now and then and half in hopes of finding Riku so I could talk to him about what had happened, and half hoping I could find him and sock him in the face.

Not because I was _mad_ or anything, but because he just makes me so confused.

Only seconds after I slammed my locker shut did Axel appear beside me, cocky grin in place and arms crossed like he was cooler than ice, but hotter than fire itself.

"Hiya, Roxy!" He greeted enthusiastically.

I scowled at him, leaning against my locker and imitating his pose. "_Don't_ call me Roxy."

He smirked, glancing around the emptying halls. "Too late, buddy. It's a habit now. Faux instinct." He grinned stupidly. "Can't stop me now, kid."

I rolled my eyes, pulled back from my locker and shoving past him. "Go home, Axel."

"Hey!" He called out, the mood in his voice different than before. "You forgot something."

Reluctantly, I turned back around to see him waving something up in the air. I squinted slightly to see that it was not only a piece of paper, but a _yellow_ piece of paper.

I bolted back to Axel, jumping up and snatching it from him before he could hold it out of my reach, the tall bastard.

I anxiously looked down at the paper, trying not to be _too_ eager. This could have just been some note a kid dropped.

But it wasn't.

It had that same spidery handwriting that I'd unfortunately memorized so well that even my own handwriting was taking after it. It was almost vague relief that Spiderman was talking to me again, but once I read the note, and actually managed to digest the words, I wanted to punch a hole through a brick wall.

'_Stay away from Riku…_

Sincerely, Me.'

I stared at for a long time, ignoring Axel every time he asked what was wrong.

I wasn't mad… And I wasn't really angry. But I was frustrated. Frustrated beyond belief. Riku had the shockingly similar aqua eyes that had sent my entire mind hay-wire the day someone had so stupidly rescued me from a bunch of homophobic jocks. But he seemed too close minded and careless for the little people like me to be someone who would do something like that… And even if it was him… Why would he keep it a secret?

So, what? Does that take Riku off my 'Evil Super-hero's' list? Or does it just put him as the number one suspect?

Answer, damnit! I want answers!

Axel poked me in cheek and snapped me out of whatever daze I was in. "Rox? Hello?"

I shook my head, crumbling up the note and shoving it in my pocket before trudging past Axel.

"What was that about?" He appeared by my side seconds later, obviously not about to leave me alone.

Only then did I notice that the hall was completely empty, except for me and Axel. I kind of liked it, really. Empty and quiet. Emanating loneliness.

I wanted to be alone, too. But no sir! Strawberry Shortcake, captain of the Forks and Electrical Sockets club just _had_ to be so determined to be around me today.

Sure, I liked him. Yeah, he was kind of nice and I know he just wanted to help, but his questions were pissing me off; and I'm so tired…

"Answer me!" Axel finally bellowed when I pushed through the front doors of the school out into the courtyard. A few kids stared at us, but I paid them no attention as I tried to wiggle through the crowd and just get home so I could stuff my face with more food and ponder on how I'm going to find out who this jackass Spiderman is.

"It's nothing…" I finally mumbled, smirking at Axel's frustrated scoff.

"Well it's obviously _something_!" He whined. "You were, like, frozen for five minutes straight!"

I looked back at him, shrugging and crossing the street. Much to my demise, Axel followed.

"It's nothing, Axel. It had nothing to do with you, so just drop it, okay?"

He frowned, keeping pace with me. "Then why did you freeze like that if it was nothing?" I'm gonna hit him. I swear I'm gonna hit this idiot.

"I was just…" I paused, looking up at him and sighing. "Thinking about something, that's all."

He leaned down to my level, not that far really, and raised an eyebrow. "What about?"

"No_thing_!" I blurted out a little too fast, staring forward and stumbling my way down the sidewalk.

Axel didn't talk anymore after that. He just followed me… _To my house…_

Really, either this guy needs a hobby, or I'm just going to have to kick his butt. …Or throw a rock at his stupid head. Whichever…

I don't know when it happened, but eventually we were at my house. I was leaning against the porch pillar and Axel was staring down at me, his expression light and playful, but serious all the same. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"Why do you care?" I snapped back.

He shrugged, looking around the front yard and back to me. "It's not like I'm going to hurt you or anything."

I shook my head; staring at the ground and watching an ant make its way through the grass. Why can't it just rain so he'll go the fuck away? "I know… It's just…" He leaned down a little, his green eyes pounding on me with curiosity.

"Just what?"

"It's just… It's not… Easy…" I shook my head, closing my eyes and just wishing he'd go away.

Axel lifted my chin, my stomach making a 360, and I opened my eyes to meet emerald closer than ever. I pushed his hand away quickly, feeling my cheeks heat up and wanting to smack him now more than ever.

"I'm won't hurt you…" He said again, a soft, genuine and probably rarely seen look in his eyes. Despite the fact that I like the warmth he gave off and everything, I refused to let myself want to be around him.

I looked back at the front door to my house, then back to Axel and frowning. Immediately, he smiled. "You're not leaving, are you?" I asked sourly.

He shook his head, standing up straight and grinning like the creepy bastard he is.

I sighed, turned around and stepping on the porch. The door was unlocked, but my mom wasn't home.

_Careless bitch…_

Reluctantly, I stepped inside and let Axel follow.

And he didn't leave.


	6. Something Like That

**Authors Note: **OH. HEY. LOOKIE THAR! D: I'm so, so sorry this took so long. Really nasty writers block had come to beat me senseless and I'm still only barely over it. Anyways, I wrote this chapter, like, 3 times before settling on this version. I'm satisfied with _how_ I wrote it, but I'm not very comfortable with the chapter in general. My vocabulary is so small- I feel like there were better words I could have used.  
It's also very fast paced, which I apologize for. I wanted to take it slow, but school starts in 3 days and I really wanted to get the whole thing out before I was bombarded with homework and more stress. P:

I'd post a little bit about what happened in previous chapters because some of you might have forgotten, but I think everything is pretty explained throughout the chapter.

(By the way, it's me. 'TheSchitzoYouKnow' I changed my pen name for personal reasons, so, yeah... P:)

**WARNING: **Some AkuRoku and face smashing (kissage).

**DISCLAIMER: **You make me laugh...

**Lose It.**

Chapter 6: Something like that…

+Roxas' Point of View+

Did I say Axel _didn't_ leave?

Oops.

I meant he _wouldn't_ leave!

Let me tell you… This guy has a lot of nerve. He waltzed right into the house, took a few glances around, than just flopped his skinny ass right down on the couch- perching his feet up on the coffee table and giving me this big cheesy smile. Y'know; the one that squeezes your cheeks above your eyes so you can't see but doesn't show any teeth?

Yup, he gave me that one.

Normally I would have a flipped a lid; gone ape-shit on his ass. But I wasn't in the mood to have a pointless argument with Axel. His confusing remarks weren't –aren't—worth my time.

Plus—hungry Roxas is _starving_.

Food is way more important to me than this sonic-the-hedgehog-wanna be.

Well, it is at the moment, at least.

So I'm in the kitchen, making a sandwich and minding my own business when Axel slithers in and starts munching on some of the food in our fridge real casually.

I thought about throwing a tomato at his fat head and telling him to stop- but I knew if I let him know it bothered me, he'd just keep doing it.

So I kept my mouth shut and finished with my sandwich—which tasted better than I imagined, by the way.

We didn't talk- there wasn't really much to say. So I just kept quiet and let Axel have his share of what he'd seen of the house. To my surprise, actually, we eventually sat down to a movie in the room.

Everything was going fine, though- Axel wasn't talking to me; I wasn't talking to him; Mom wasn't home; and the little horror flick we were watching took my mind off things.

…And probably took away any chance of me getting some sleep tonight.

"You scared?"

"Huh?"

"You jumped when the guy popped out of the shadows. Is the movie scaring you?"

"No, Axel." Really, it wasn't.

Wow, two lies in a row! I'm on a roll!

"You look like you just shit your pants. Do you wanna change the movie?"

"I picked it out, asshole."

And for a reason, too. I'd had this movie since before me and my mom moved here and I hadn't had the guts to watch it without anyone- not that there was anyone to watch it _with_...

But now there was.

Yeah, yeah, cue sitcom 'Aww'. Shut up.

"You're scared…"

"Shut UP, Axel! I am NOT scared!"

"You're screaming denial. …_Literally._ You're scared."

I could've kicked him out if I wanted to- something in my head said I should have. But I was caught in the delirium that there was probably some guy missing half his face with a rusty, blood stained chain saw hiding under my bed now- and as annoying as Axel was, I had a hunch that he wouldn't let my imaginary murderer hurt me.

Again with that sitcom-y 'Aww'. Fuck you.

"I'm not scared…"

Axel gave me a side glance, this dramatic chuckle coming from his throat and mocking me with it's… dramatic-ness. "Little Woxy gonna have a bad dweam tonight, huh?" He cooed.

Little Woxy gonna kick your ass out the front door, that's what.

I didn't really say that to him, I'd have liked to, though. But no, I just threw a bloodstained glare at him and returned my eyes to the movie- as much as I'd have preferred looking somewhere else.

The graphics were pretty impressive. I didn't know they could show a guy getting chopped to little pieces these days. Who knows. Technology is too much on my poor head, anyway.

"So where'd you get that cut?"

"What cut?"

"On your forehead, dummy."

I reached up and felt that my little battle scar from the encounter with the almighty Riku was no longer hidden by my hair. What to say, what to say…

"Ran into a door."

Well, it wasn't exactly a lie.

"You sure?"

"How could I not be sure, Axel?"

I met his gaze and he shrugged, serious face very… serious.

Some chick in the movie let out a long scream, but I didn't really feel like looking back at the television. My eyes were uncomfortably stuck on Axel's, sort of glued to those freakishly green orbs.

His hand was suddenly on my face, brushing some hair out of my eyes. I had been so completely at loss in his gaze that I hadn't even flinched when he touched me.

"You should keep your hair to the side, more. You have a nice face."

Funny, usually people word that a little differently. '_You have a nice face._'

Is it a compliment, or what?

Not quite sure how to react, I just bit my lip and turned away, hugging my knees to my chest and watching the rest of the movie- trying to ignore Axel's persistent chuckles next to me.

I've always wondered if people know exactly when they go to sleep. Like, you know when you lay down in bed or wherever and you know you're exhausted, but still you kind of lay there for a few minutes thinking about stuff? And then you conk out and blah, blah, you wake up a couple hours later and you don't exactly remember your last few thoughts before you fall asleep or the last things you saw and stuff.

How does that work? Like, what if, when you close your eyes for the last time before going to sleep- that… That that's the time you're actually asleep? Or, in limbo or something? Half awake, half asleep but mostly just unconscious and your mind just wavers for a little before falling into dream sequence.

Like, or is sleeping just your mind telling your body to stop moving, and stop blinking and stuff and it's just what's left of you and your thoughts that just keep going and going.

Nowhere specific, of course.

Why is it we can't remember what our last moments are before falling asleep when we wake up?

I only wonder because I do _not_ remember falling asleep on the couch next to Axel during the movie. I do, however, remember being awoken by a slight bonk on my head when I (assume) Axel carried me off to my room and accidentally –or purposefully, who knows—let my already slightly aching head hit the door frame.

I barely managed to peel an eye open when the red-haired wonder set me down on my bed and stroked some hair off my face before heading out the bedroom door. For some reason, in the barely conscious state I was in, I didn't want him to leave.

"How'd it end?" The movie.

"It was the ex-boyfriend."

"I knew it."

"So… I'll see you later?"

"Stay." Haha- _what?_

Axel didn't reply for a minute, he just leaned against the door frame for a bit, staring at me with his arms crossed.

"You're kidding, right?" He asked with an airy laugh.

"…No. Well, I don't think I am, at least." So tired-ddd. Don't make me argue with you, damnit!

There was a quiet pause and I almost regretted asking him to stay, but, really… Axel hadn't been all that bad to me. He'd been incredibly nice, actually. They all had. Sora, Demyx, Zexion, Larxene. I guess I just didn't like them because they were so welcoming- so completely not cautious about who they're around and who they're talking to.

You get pretty paranoid after having a few near death experiences…

I closed my eyes and smirked when he sheepishly mumbled out a 'So, should I sleep on the couch or what?'

I can be a complete jerk to people who are trying to help me, but I wasn't about to be any worse of a host.

I could only visualize Axel's wide green eyes when I patted the open space on my bed next to me. Lazily curling onto my side to make more room for Axel as proof that I was being completely serious about him sleeping next to me, he still stood put.

"Is this a joke?"

I'll have to work on my social skills. I really was a jerk to Axel, wasn't I?

Yes, Roxas. Yes you were.

"Look, I'm sorry for how I've been. Just get on the fucking bed." Oh-ho-ho. Well didn't _that_ sound dirty?

I heard him sigh hesitantly before shuffling over and crawling in next to me. "Your bed is much nicer than your couch…" He mumbled, tugging some of the covers over himself.

We were quiet. Neither of us really sure of what to say. Terribly, terribly awkward. Things weren't much better when I rolled over to face him. And my cast was digging into my side.

"Hey, Axel?"

"Yeah?"

"Uhm… Thanks…"

He opened his eyes to stare at mine and the awkward silence ensued once more, but just for a second.

"For what?"

"For, uhm, not giving up on me."

Great, yet another sitcom 'Aww.' I hate you all.

Axel smirked and shifted slightly, brushing a loose hair from his face. "Yeah, no problem, Rox."

* * *

Weeks went by. Not a lot of weeks, but, y'know. A couple of weeks.

Axel and I got closer and closer- but something inside me still wanted to get further and further. I'd gotten my cast off at one point- it still hurts to breathe, but I've never enjoyed being able to turn and shift so much. And my bruises were gone. No more raccoon Roxas!

I'd officially been welcomed into Axel and his friends little 'Lunch Table Brigade' and I had friends.

I. Me. Roxas. I had _friends_. People who actually **wanted** to be around me!

Kind of badass…

I hadn't heard or seen anything from Spiderman and honestly, I was incredibly disappointed; even when I went against his little post-it-note warning and tried to speak to Riku—nothing- zero, zip, nada.

Probably because Riku wouldn't talk back.

Sometimes he'd glance at me with this kind of desperate look, or he'd flat out ignore me when I tried to have a word with him. And the more he ignored me, the more I wanted to speak to him. To stare at those big, stupid aqua—turquoise, what-the-hell-ever—eyes to just… stare.

I grew to desire Riku's attention. I was turning into one of his little 'fan-girls.'

Jesus…

I tried not to let it bug me, but, really. What was this guy's deal? What's so hard about answering a quickly pondered up question about Thursday's homework assignment that you didn't even need?! I've met jocks that've beat my sorry ass to a pulp who spoke to me more than him!

Of course, the things they said to me weren't exactly nice.

But even some (nonexistent) ego-shattering insult would have been enough for me from him! I just wanted to know why he was popping up all over my life all the sudden…

Plus, I really, really, _really_ want to get some kind of contact from Spiderman.

Just for closure, I guess. I hope he hasn't forgotten about me.

Not 'cause I'm scared if he forgets about me, I'll get beat up again, but because I'm still set on finding out who this jerk is.

Well, maybe he's really not a jerk- I probably wouldn't have as many friends as I do now if it weren't for him- But he'd made me mad before and DAMNIT I don't like being left without answers.

Anyway. Back to right now. Lying outside on a trampoline next to Axel in Sora's backyard, mentally counting the stars.

It was Sora's little campout birthday slumber party thing and I gave in and slept over even though I'm not a huge fan of really being outside very long. Everyone around us was curled up asleep in their sleeping bags except me and Axel.

I couldn't sleep- and apparently he couldn't, either.

"So I've come up with this theory for you, Axel."

"Oh yeah?" He looked at me, a short eyebrow raised.

"Yeah. You're like a stray cat."

His brow furrowed and he frowned a little. "Care to elaborate?"

I smirked, looking up at the sky. "You know when you feed a stray cat and after that, it keeps coming back hoping for more?" I saw him glaring at me from the corner of my eye. "Well, you're like that, only with attention. Once you get some, you keep coming back for more." I turned my head to the side to see him staring at me and I really honestly expected him to punch me, but he only reach out at me in a clawing motion.

"Meow!" He grinned playfully, nudging me. We laughed quietly, returning our attention to the constellations. "Pfft… A stray cat. Really?"

"Yup." I smiled in response, losing track and having to recount.

Silence. Comfy.

"…Roxas?"

Or not.

"Yeah?"

"I like you."

"Yeah, I know."

More silence. God, I really hope the other kids around us are really asleep.

"No, I mean. I really… like-like you."

'Like-like?' Weren't conversations like this supposed to happen in middle school? Not junior year of high school! On a trampoline in your friends yard, no less.

"Yeah, Axel. I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you knew."

Because I'm scared.

"Because you didn't ask."

"Oh…"

Wait for it… Wait for ittt

"Can I kiss you?"

BINGO!

Axel could be so predictable, sometimes. I always knew when he was going to ask me that- and obviously tonight hadn't been the first time- but he seemed so determined to kiss me. The hell why?

What's so great about kissing, anyway? Honestly, I've never done it before, so, yeah, obviously I wouldn't personally know why, but every time Axel asked if he could kiss me, it made me wonder what I was really missing out on.

"No."

"Why not?"

"…Because…" I gave up on trying to find out just how many stars were in the sky and rolled over to face the guy I'd never expected to become my best friend in the whole world. "Because I'm scared it'll mess things up…"

"…Oh."

I'd never actually admitted that to him before until now, but I suppose I'm glad I did. I really was scared. I was glad to have Axel- glad to have everyone- and I didn't want to fuck anything up.

'Cause we all know if it all goes to hell, it was probably my fault.

Axel scooted closer to me, his face dangerously close. I didn't flinch; didn't pull back because we'd –believe it or not- been closer. Plus, I didn't want to look weak even though he knows his limits with me.

Or at least I hope he does…

"Why do you think it'll mess things up?" His eyes looked sad. Lonely…

_Lame!_

"Axel…"

"Really! I mean, what could possibly go wrong of I kissed you?" His voice raised a little and I flinched. He rolled over again, on top of me this time. My hands were still free- he was letting me know I could push him off if I wanted to; if he was going too far…

"I don't know, it's just—" He cut me off before I could blubber anything else out.

"Then I don't see why you keep stopping me!" He hissed.

We froze for a minute when someone shifted and groaned in their sleep- it sounded like Demyx. After being vaguely sure no one was eavesdropping, Axel continued with his… seducing.

"Don't you like me, Rox?" Again with his little sad face. This kid is so hard to reason with.

"Yeah, but…" I couldn't really think of any excuse. I especially couldn't think at all when I felt his breath beating hungrily against my ear.

"Then… Why not?"

"I…" When I didn't respond anymore, Axel's patience came to an end and I was completely at loss for what to do when he growled a small 'Fuck you…' and pressed his lips against mine.

Figuring if I didn't respond in any way, he'd stop. But I should have known better; Axel didn't give up that easily. He just tugged on my lip with his teeth, cupping my cheek in his hand and triggering this little 'desperate' hormone in me that pretty much sent me through the roof.

So I kissed him back.

Oh, _boy_ did I kiss him back. I wasn't completely sure on what I was doing, but I enjoyed it. …a lot.

Apparently the ever so horny Strawberry Shortcake wanna be did, too, because this deep moan bellowed from his throat and -_whoosh_- in came his tongue.

I… Well, I won't go into too much detail, but being the modest little guy I am, I did eventually push him off. He didn't like that that much- but he didn't protest.

Self control. See, Axel? We're learning together!

…Haha.

He rolled back onto his back, staring up at the sky- his lips kind of puffy and swollen and this stupid happy grin on his face. "See?" He said breathily. "That was nice. How can that mess anything up?"

_Gawd is my face on fire…_

I didn't answer. I couldn't. Well, yeah, physically I could. But I didn't have anything to say and I was scared if I opened my mouth again, Axel would shove his tongue in there again and I wouldn't be able to stop him—because I wouldn't _want_ him to stop.

"Axel, I can't—"

He rolled over suddenly, cupping my face in his hands with that stupid-happy look still in his eyes. "Wanna do it again?"

"_No!_"

Frowning, he rolled back over, folding his arms behind his head and mumbling something about me being a 'Party pooper'. "Can we _ever_ do it again?"

"I don't know." Really, I didn't.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him nod his head in acknowledgement, his eyes still dancing with joy but his face barely hiding his repressed excitement. I think he thought it meant 'yes'.

We didn't say another word to each other for the rest of the night- I was too tired and I guess Axel didn't have anything to say. At some point, I fell asleep to Axel's –or maybe Sora's—light snores and, but of course, woke up to Axel clutching me to his chest in his sleep with the sunlight blasting directly in my eyes.

But that didn't bother me too much, 'cause my mind was still stuck on the dream I'd had.

About Spiderman, of course.

Well, not directly Spiderman. About spider _webs_. And fire, too.

Which was ironic really because I'd woken up in one hell of a sweat.

But anyway, yeah; spider webs and fire. They were having some kind of battle. It was like in this giant arena and in the middle of it all was this small blue marble with freakish loads of spider webs on one side of it, and fire on the other.

The whole dream was generally silent and –boom! Right out of nowhere, the fire lunges over the marble and starts attacking the webs, swallowing them up and making these faint gagging noises when the webs would counter and actually _wrap_ around the fire like it was strangling it.

Then the arena started turning this way and that, up and down, side to side and the little blue marble was rolling all over the place but the fire and webs didn't seem to notice.

The fire kept growing, and more and more webs appeared and the battle went on. Only when my mental self began to grow impatient with the dream did the arena shift suddenly to the side and off went the blue marble.

Plunging, plunging and- then I woke up…

I hate dreams like that. Ones you know probably have some important meaning but you're never really sure _what_.

I lied there for a while, curled up against Axel with the sun blaring in my eyes and his breath ticklish against my ear.

In all honesty, even though I was kind of cold and Sora had hijacked my sleeping bag for apparent cuddling purposes and the whole trampoline felt sort of lumpy, I was comfortable.

Comfortable because I was with friends, not because the red-haired wonder was trying to squeeze me to death in his sleep.

…_Really!_

Eventually Demyx woke up and decided to go pee in the bushes at, what, 10 in the morning? His face was so ridiculously red when he turned around to see me staring at him and trying to hold in my laughter. I wasn't actually laughing because I'd just watched him wobble and hold himself up against a fence and take probably the longest pee I'd ever witnessed, but because he kept wiggling his hips and mumbling 'Dance, pee-pee, dance!' in an almost drunken state.

We exchanged our 'I won't tell anyone' and 'Thank you's' silently before he curled back up again on the ground with Zexion right before Axel yawned in my ear and pulled me a little tighter against his chest.

"Mm… Did you sleep well?" He asked, his voice slurring and dragging tiredly. He asked that every time we woke up together.

"Yeah… Something like that."

* * *

**End Note: **Reviews are always welcome, and thanks so much for reading!


	7. The Sounds of Luuurv

**Warning: Stupid.**

Disclaimer: I called up Square and asked if I could have the rights to these characters, and they said they'd send 'em to me the day after tomorrow.  
...Should be here any day now.

A/N: Sorry for the double... triple(?) post. FF wouldn't let me fix some things so I had to re-upload completely.  
Sorry for the wait, and sorry for the itty-bitty length of this chapter. I just couldn't think of a way to make it longer.  
Thanks so much for reading, folks. Happy Turkey Day!

* * *

**Lose It.**_**luuuurv~**_

Chapter 7: The sounds of

--

"You know, Roxas…" Lunch-time again. Same as every-day, only emptier. Winter was wiggling its way under everyone's fingernails and there was no hesitation to dressing in layers—that being noted especially towards Axel. He looked like some kind of skinny marshmallow that had imploded or something.  
But like I said—empty; Axel had waddled off in his coat-extravaganza to finish a project with Larxene and Demyx; Zexion had followed because apparently he needed a book from the library.  
So it was just me.  
Me and Sora.

All alone at lunch with no one to occupy us but ourselves and the other.

Not that it was really a terrible thing, but… Well.

Sora talks a lot.

_Huge_ emphasis on the 'lot.'

"What, Sora?"

I didn't like where he was going with this. He'd been quiet all through the never-ending lunch line up until now and his voice sounded undoubtedly guile—sly; like he was planning some crazy ninja Sora attack on me… again. Don't ask.

"Well…" I grabbed a tray, glancing back at him to see that he was deep in thought, trying to find the right words to say. For such a naïve kid, he sure did put a lot of thought into things. It was sweet, really. "Do you remember my birthday party a couple months back?"

"Sora, that was like… A month ago."

"I know." He frowned at my remark. "That's what I said."

"No." I stated justly, grabbing a cup of fries and some… cheese thing. "You said a _couple_ months ago. There's a difference."

Sora huffed in frustration, snatching his own tray and what looked like a burger—I wasn't really sure. "Well, you get what I mean." He finished with his pouting in record time and slid along the line to pay with me. "But like I said: birthday party."

"What about it?"

"I've…" He paused in thought again and I sighed, showing the lunch-lady my school ID, handing her my money and shuffling off, Sora in high trail behind. "IheardyouandAxelthatnight."

Whatever he'd just said, I'd completely missed it. Not only had I been distracted by a peculiar snowflake falling outside the window, but the jumble of words he'd supposedly spoken was hardly what I'd call English. "Say again?"

"I…" He sighed, setting down his tray. "I've wondered whether to tell you this or not- or maybe to tell Axel instead. I just don't want either of you to kill me."

Oh geez. "Sora, what are you getting at?"

"I heard you and Axel that night."

"…...Define 'heard'."

"Uhmm…" Sora sat down at a table, avoiding my gaze of doom and making a funny face. "Lots of… Moaning and…" He waved his hands animatedly at the word 'moaning' and my stomach just about upchucked the fries I hadn't even eaten yet. "Well… yanno…" He hung his head, picking at his burger.

I squirmed a little in my seat across from him, face burning and fries looking less tasty than they had earlier. But I took it calmly- better than I would have if I wasn't so close with Sora. "Who else have you told?"

Sora looked up, big eyes bigger and wider. "No one! Not a soul, I swear!" He rushed out, shaking his head rapidly.

"Well then why are you telling me?"

Sora made another face, gnawing the corner of his lip and looking at his burger. "Well…" He looked up and smiled a little. "I thought about using it as black mail against you, but I figured you would tell Axel and he would _probably_ castrate me… So I just thought I'd tell you just so you know that someone heard you two. Plus, it was bugging me if you knew if any of us were awake or not, yanno?"

In truth, I'd completely forgotten about me and Axel's little trampoline adventure. It's not that I _wanted_ to forget it, it's just that it wasn't a huge significance in my life (should it be?) and I let it slip from my memory without care.

…But now that I was remembering, it sort of answered why Axel has been looking at me a little differently since then. And he's always finding some excuse to just… touch me. Not in a creepy-Axel way, but just… to shove me, or ruffle my hair, or scoop me up in his arms and swing me around like an idiot.

I hadn't known what inspired him to do such un-Axel 'lovey-dovey-ish' things up until now. …And it's bombed my stomach.

"Roxas?"

"Huh? What?"

"Did you just drool on purpose?"

"….What?"

"Drool. You just sort of froze and then you started drooling a little. Like, you were brain dead or something." He paused, than let a big Cheshire cat grin spread across his face. "Or were you just thinking about _Axel_~?"

I stabbed his pleasant little face with glares before wiping the drool from my mouth. It's a curse, really. When I get lost in thought, my mouth tends to open and I forget to swallow… But that's irrelevant.

"No, Sora. I was _not_ thinking about _Axel._"

Sora shrugged amiably, biting into his burger. "He likes you, you know?" Bits of food flew out of his mouth—a habit I'm assuming he learned from Axel—as he spoke.

I shook my head, nibbling on a fry. "Yes, Sora, I know."

"Don't you like him, too?"

_Kinda…_

--

"No, you little shit! Ug! Just give me the glue, you're getting it everywhere!"

_"Shhh!"_

"Shh, yourself!" Larxene hissed at the librarian, snatching the glue away from Demyx before he could sabotage any other poor helpless inanimate object. "Axel, are you just going to sit there, or what? 'Cause I am _not_ doing all this by myself!"

Axel barely managed a shrug in his many layers, looking out the library window and trying not to think about the itch on his thigh under the 20 pairs of pants he'd put on today. He smirked when Larxene growled a small 'jackass' and sloppily glued another paper to their poster.

"Demyx, I swear to the gods, if you spill any of that water on this poster, so help me, I will staple your tongue to your insides."

Demyx made a curious face. "How can you even—" He stopped talking when the angst-y blonde girl before him reached for the stapler beside her.

"What do you think Roxas is doing right now?" Axel asked blankly to no one in particular.

"Who cares?" Larxene sneered, labeling one of the pictures on the poster. "Why don't you just go see for yourself? It's not like you're doing anything, anyway!"

Axel smirked, drawing aimlessly with his finger on the fog on the window. "Nah, I don't trust you. Either you'll kill Demyx, or you'll deny my helping with the project…" His green eyes followed a snowflake falling outside the window and if he hadn't hated it for being a part of the cold, cold winter, he would have smiled.

"Help? HELP?!" Larxene stood up, cheeks a slight red. "You haven't done crap!" She mocked the librarian carelessly when she received another 'Shh!'

"Yes I have!" Axel defended emotionlessly. He turned to face his friend's bright green eyes. "I've provided you inspiration with my godly-ness to get your fat ass to work!"

Larxene's face went blank, but she didn't reply. Because the only way of replying to that that was currently going through her mind was with her fist, but she was already in deep enough with the Principle, so she bit her cheek and turned away to finish the project.

Axel winked back at Demyx and he smiled smally, scooting across the library table next to Axel by the window sill.

"I think it's cute…" He stated loudly enough for Larxene to hear.

Axel glanced at him questioningly, long fingers still doodling with the frost on the window.

"You and Roxas." Demyx beamed sweetly, swinging his legs gaily. Larxene groaned, but Demyx dismissed it. "He's such a big ball of angst, yanno? Kind of like you used to be, Axel."

The red haired boy smirked, trying to scratch the unreachable itch on his thigh.

"He's still a big ball of flaming angry shit…" Larxene mumbled, scribbling something on the poster. Demyx chuckled, glancing at his friends cutely.

"Yeah, that's true, but-!" Demyx looked up at the pictures on the library walls, cheeks warming up when Zexion crossed his mind. "He's a big ball of flaming angry shit in _love_."

Axel froze, casting a freaked glance at Larxene, who was snickering at Demyx's remark. "_Love?_" Axel hissed incredulously. "Who said this was love?" He tried not to wrap his mind around the thought of _loving_ Roxas, because he knew if he did, the thought would tie itself in a big knot around his brain and never go away. "Sure, I think the kids cute and all, but… Love?"

Demyx made a face, his wandering eyes finding their prey at the back of the library, bent over to pick up a book. He resisted licking his lips, and instead returned his gaze back to Axel. "I see the way you look at him." He paused, smirking. "Not to mention, we _all_ heard that night at Sora's. What other sounds could those be than the moans of _luuurv~_?"

"…You're cutting to conclusions you can't even justify!" Axel ran a hand nervously through his hair, batting away the 'L-word' from his thoughts.

'_You don't love, Axel. People like you don't love._'

"Wow, Axel, two big words in one sentence! And it even makes sense!" Larxene cackled, cutting out some paper.

Axel grimaced, scooting off his seat on the sill and inching away from Demyx. "You're too mushy, man. You're starting to mess up my trains-of-thoughts." The red-head shook his head, shaking away that stupid word and that stupid Roxas. "Douchebag."

"Will you kids be quiet!" An agitated librarian shuffled her way over, her glares mostly on Axel and Larxene.

Larxene dismissed the old woman's existence and returned to the nearly finished project. Axel scoffed, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and sagging off tensely.

'_Roxas, Roxas, Roxas… What am I going to _do_ with you?_'

--


End file.
